The Corner House

A quick post from the Uni library.
Popped into town to do some work on my essay. Of course, I haven't. Did watch Mel Gibson's Hamlet though.
Another review?
I'll leave it for now.
Phoned up the Housing Association. I can get someone to fix oven myself if I like.
It'll be a bit cheaper, I hope. Ern's brother might do it. Still more money than I've got.
Yesterday was funny. I'm planning to revive my stand-up comedy career next year. New Year's Resolution. It wasn't exactly a career. I did a few 'open spots'. I think you do years of 'open spots' then eventually you get paid although I'm not sure. Anyway, the Scottish Widow and the Wean were lamenting because the Wean's 'da' has invited himself this weekend, en route to Egypt. I've never met the man but neither of them seem to have much time for him. 'He's an arse' seems to be their opinion. As Bonnie's off meet her new fellow in some London hotel, she decided to ring another of her brothers, Alec, (who also lives in Manchester), to see if Alec will meet up with Jim. The phone conversation was along the lines of
'Egypt? Why Egypt?'
'How do I know? Perhaps he's become a suicide bomber. Bottles of Irn-Bru stapped under his jay-ket. His last words 'Up the Mujibah, fuck the Pope'.
I was falling off me chair laughing. I said to her let me use it in a comedy routine. Al-Jimmy, Scottish suicide bomber.
Apparently said brother will get drunk and make a pass at me. i said I'm going to be out all day doing Hamlet.
'He could just be the man of your dreams although I very much doubt it'.
I'll stick to Hamlet

A quick post from the Uni library.
Popped into town to do some work on my essay. Of course, I haven't. Did watch Mel Gibson's Hamlet though.
Another review?
I'll leave it for now.
Phoned up the Housing Association. I can get someone to fix oven myself if I like.
It'll be a bit cheaper, I hope. Ern's brother might do it. Still more money than I've got.
Yesterday was funny. I'm planning to revive my stand-up comedy career next year. New Year's Resolution. It wasn't exactly a career. I did a few 'open spots'. I think you do years of 'open spots' then eventually you get paid although I'm not sure. Anyway, the Scottish Widow and the Wean were lamenting because the Wean's 'da' has invited himself this weekend, en route to Egypt. I've never met the man but neither of them seem to have much time for him. 'He's an arse' seems to be their opinion. As Bonnie's off meet her new fellow in some London hotel, she decided to ring another of her brothers, Alec, (who also lives in Manchester), to see if Alec will meet up with Jim. The phone conversation was along the lines of
'Egypt? Why Egypt?'
'How do I know? Perhaps he's become a suicide bomber. Bottles of Irn-Bru stapped under his jay-ket. His last words 'Up the Mujibah, fuck the Pope'.
I was falling off me chair laughing. I said to her let me use it in a comedy routine. Al-Jimmy, Scottish suicide bomber.
Apparently said brother will get drunk and make a pass at me. i said I'm going to be out all day doing Hamlet.
'He could just be the man of your dreams although I very much doubt it'.
I'll stick to Hamlet

Nicked from Celtic Cross

Something purple within 5 feet of you:
Does an eyeshadow in my handbag count?

How long can you hold your breath underwater?
Dunno but I'm good at diving.

The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave?
Cup of tea in a half-pint mug. In my barmaid days.

How much Japanese do you know?
Ate some sushi once.

Sparkly things?
Loads, love 'em, I was a magpie in a previous incarnation.

Ever crash a car, been in accidents?
Nasty, nasty fall off my bike last year.

Do you look good in yellow?
Dunno. Don't think I wear much yellow.

Do you sing?
I love my singing. No-one else does.

Ever sang in front of a crowd?
August, I entered a 'Worst Singer' competition. Didn't win, which may or may not be a result.

Do you dance?
Yes. Love it.

Is your hair long enough to chew on?
Yes. Love long hair on anyone.

Least favourite colour?
I like all colours.

Favourite kind of pizza?
Ham and pineapple, probably.

Ever had Dippin' Dots?
Never heard of them.

Ever played an instrument?
My Mum sent me and my sister to piano lessons. Neither of us learnt.

Do you own your own car?
No. Only my pushbike.

What kind of car is it?
If I had a car, I think I'd have some sort of Renault.

Do you want to get married?
Wishin' and hopin'.

At what age do you want to have kids?
When I'm 64!

How many kids?
I think I really may have to stop Bonnie for sending away for an Ethiopian one. Did you see that programme on telly about them? So many poor, abandoned ones.

Thought I'd just do a quick, therapeutic post. Therapeutic for me at least, I hope.
Money troubles as usual. Housing Association that I rented my house to demanding another £550 for 'repairs'. The money I have spent this year on that excuse-me but 'effing' house. If I'd known I was going to become a mature student I might have decided to sell it and bought something here. But, as usual, no plans, just three weeks before the course started I decided it was what I wanted to do.
So, I owe, £550 for repairs, £300 in unpaid council tax, about £5000 on credit cards and my overdraft. The result, as Mr Micawber would say, is misery.
Spent last night, worried sick, lamenting and drinking wine.
'Should I ring a clairvoyant?' I asked Bonnie. Ringing clairvoyants being my usual solution to problems.
'Don't be so stupid' she said. She told me to query and protest and fight them all. Be assertive.
'Oh, I'm useless at assertive. I'm only a poor beta-female. I need a man to look after me'.
'You never give a man a chance. What about old Sean Ryan? You could have been Mrs Ryan by now, living in a nice house in Tipperary'.
Trust her to remember Sean Ryan. He was some Irish widower chatting me up on a Ryan Air flight a couple of years back. Not unattractive, a rather debonair, clever, middle-class Irishman. We got it into our heads that he was the actual owner of Ryan Air and I'd end up living some sort of high-life until Clare pointed out that Ryan Air is owned by a Michael O'Leary or some other name.
'He didn't look as if he was short of a bob or three', Bonnie went on, 'you should have rang him'.
I reminded her I did. And I thought he was a bit... well, .... previous, as they say in the East Midlands.
'I did ring him. When I was still working nights. I rang him one afternoon. I mentioned I'd just got out of bed. And what did I get? Ho, ho, ho, bed, I wish I'd been there with you. Presumptious, I thought'.
'You could have been Mrs Ryan Air. All your troubles would have been over'.
Well, I'm not and they aren't.
I'm wondering if I can get me mitts on me pension. Which is sod all anyway but might help. Might as well spend it now before the Iraqis or some such blow us all up.

Back again.
But most likely won't be around over the weekend.
Well, the tutor (the one I shouted at) let us have a quick look at our (marked) stories. He said not to worry because the majority came into the 2.2 grade; we'd improve with time. I only got 54 which I think is rubbish, my marks were always higher than that for my Cert H.E. Still, he did say I had 'natural flair' which I was pleased about although he didn't think much to my punctuation.
Apart from that I am pleased because I managed to finish Story No 2. At one stage I really thought I couldn't. Since coming here, I've now written 2 stories and 4 poems, and that's a result as far as I'm concerned.
Blue Eyes and the other mature student want to write great things and become rich. Well, it would be nice if it happens but just to write anything is an achievement.
I like Blue Eyes. He reckons there's money to be had to do an MA. I'm not so sure. Get your BA first, I can hear my Mum say. You can get the funding to do some MA in acting in Poland, Blue Eyes thinks. Yes, I said, I'm up for that.
'Your mad' he says, 'Poland's freezing'.
I told him my aim is to avoid working as much as I can. He said he didn't think that I wanted to avoid working per se; what he thought I wanted was to do the work God intended me to do which is writing and acting. I was pleased he brought God into the equation, I get a bit disturbed when people don't believe in God. Bonnie and The Wean don't. I dunno, I see a Creator's hand in things. Saved some pics for The Wean, of animals in the Womb. Anyone see them? An elephant, a dog, a dolphin. Lovely. The Wean's into all that. The article was all about how they evolved and I wouldn't dispute evolution for one minute, I just think that's the sort of process God works through.
On a less philosophical note, Bonnie very stressed because her Ofstead inspection due. The whole house nearly got killed on Wednesday night. Ian hadn't left her enough room to park so she stormed in and ordered him to go and park her car for her as she couldn't manage it.
'I wouldn't mind' said Ian, 'but I was getting it on at the time.....'
'I didn't know he was in there with Gabriella. It's his own fault, he should leave a parking space.'
And I was in trouble because I've scorched the landing carpet with the iron again. I promised I'd use the ironing board in future.

Thanx Prydwen

Three things that scare me:
1 Men
2 People
3 Aids

Three people who make me laugh:
1 Billy Connolly
2 Ross Noble
3 Barbara Windsor

Three Things I love:
1 Cats
2 Dogs
3 Horses

Three Things I hate:
1 Money
2 Commuting
3 Sterilized Cream

Three things I don't understand:
1 Cruelty to Animals
2 Not wanting to have children
3 Russian

Three things on my desk:
1 Mouse
2 Computer
3 That's it, I'm in the Uni Library

Three thing I'm doing right now:
1 Writing this
2 Biting nails
3 Wasting time

Three things I want to do before I die:
1 Write as much as possible
2 Travel - ditto
3 Buy bungalow in Ireland

Three things I can do:
1 Swim
2 Type
3 Speak French-ish

Three ways to describe my personality:
1 Shy
2 Sense of Humour
3 Vain

Three things I can't do:
1 Drive
2 Decorate
3 Maths

Probably have to cut back on blogging for a bit.
Course work piling up.
I'll leave you with a joke from Gabriella.
I'll explain two Manchester words first; mithering, I think it's some sort of cross between worrying/annoying - I'm open to proper explanations. It doesn't occur in the following joke; I just never heard it until I moved up here.
Never heard scally either. I think it can translate as 'White Trash', but, again, please correct me if I'm wrong.
Gabriella's joke, 'Madonna is no different from any other scally bird. She's got three kids by three different fathers and one of them's black'!

Back using the laptop again.
Is it a minor addiction?
Tidied up house a bit, walked dog for a second time.
I am going to have to ring Hackney Council in a minute and discuss the council tax I owe them. Oh, life is so hard. I need a man to look after me. Pay bills, buy shoes....
Yeah, feminism, I've lived it and it's rubbish.
And I have that story to write..... I think I'll have a shower first. If I ever do get to be a writer, I'll be disgusting. No human contact, slobbing around in 3-day old outfits. I'll become a sort of weird hermit....
Who said become?

Saw some shoes in The Sunday Telegraph Supplement. Gold 500 pounds. 'It's not fair, I want them, is it much to ask? Pair of gold shoes'.
'You've got millions of shoes you never wear'.
'Don't care, want them. I don't want much out of life. Pair of gold shoes, my house in Hackney. Bungalow in Ireland. A dog, a cat, maybe an 'orse....yeah, I'd like an 'orse. 50 or 60 thousand a year. It's not excessive.....'
'Most people would call it loaded'.
'Nah, I don't want a car'.
'Just a husband to drive you about?.
'Yes. A handsome one.'
'Your idea of handsome - short and fat.'
'Do you think Ern's short and fat?'
'Yep, but he thinks he's the dog's bollocks'.
'Small men are a bit like that.'
Day-dreaming, I mean, affirmations apart, I spent the day trying to write a story (for my assignment). Wasn't too successful. One page is ok, it's the other two and a half not working out. I'm going to leave it until later today and hope my sub-conscious comes up with something.
Bonnie taken to calling the Wean 'Alpha'. She likes her Alpha/Beta theories of life. She can't decide who's more 'Beta', me or poor old Fizz, the rescue dog.

Yesterday.
Not too productive. Bonnie, The Wean and Gabriella all at work. Ian mooching about.
He's been sacked.
I told him not to worry, I've been sacked loads.
So poor Gabriella still waitressing and doing her proper job.
I think my waitressing days are over, they haven't rung me.
Bonnie a bit concerned about Ian. I said he's young, she can't live his life for him. She hopes Gabriella won't get fed-up and leave him.
Spent most of the afternoon ironing. I'm really slow at ironing. I used to send it to a woman across the road, only 15 pounds for a big bin liner. Those were the days.
Bonnie came back and we planned to go out to the karaoke pub down the road and get drunk. But in the end we were both too lazy to bother. Got a free DVD 'Pygmalion' from 'The Telegraph' and some booze from Asda. Pygmalion was ok except it conked out before the end, the way DVD's too. Someone once told me I looked like Wendy Hiller and Bonnie said I did a bit. Or used to! Age, what is it coming to when you can't be bothered to go out.
The Wean came back. Her and Bonnie had a huge row because Bonnie had placed a glass on top off a book she had lent to Bonnie. Tears before bedtime. But they made it up. I think they were both a bit stressed and tired. The Wean half wants to go back to Scotland. Her job in some call centres is hard. I said she should go to university for a couple of years, you work long enough. In the end we all fell asleep in Bonnie's bed, all three of us and the dog.

Pleasant evening. Theatre with Snidge,like old times.
Snidge is an unemployed (mostly) actor. I've known him 17 years he informs me. He seems to have got over my tardiness at paying for the theatre ticket.
He brought his friend, Declan, who seemed nice. Don't want to generalise but I do seem to get on with gay men.
Mrs Brown. Snidge thinks it's the funniest thing ever.
I thought it was quite funny. Quite a nice evening but - well, reservations. He's big in the north (don't know his real name 'cos I was economising and didn't buy a programme). To be honest I thought it wouldn't really be sophisticated enough for London. Funny, but lots of corny old jokes. The cast (I think he employs all his relations) were obviously enjoying themselves immensely, loads of corpsing going on. It reminded me really of a very enthusiastic amateur production.
But it was a nice night out and yeah, I'd see him again.
Snidge says he worked with him once and he's a friendly, quiet bloke in real life.
The Mrs Brown character, Agnes, reminded me of H's sister-in-law. And she's called Agnes too.
Plus I heard something I haven't heard for years and realised it must be an Irish thing. Declan said his Grandad said it. When I was little and I'd call my Daddy - Daddy, I'd say and he'd answer 'Whatty?'. Well, Mrs Brown kept doing it, 'Mummy' they'd go and she'd go 'Whatty?'

A couple of years ago now, I spent Christmas in Canada with Layla's relations.
Was it cold or was it cold?
But we had a nice time. Saw Niagara Falls. Discovered a watering-hole called Blush bar in Toronto. Found a past-life regression place.
Well, I had to go.
'He's genuine' said Layla who's into all that.
It wasn't hypnosis exactly, he just played a relaxing tape and you came up with the stuff.
You had to ask questions about this life. I asked why I had never had children.
Then I saw myself dying, on a bed, surrounded by grown-up children. Five of them. I was a Jewish woman, In New York somewhere but I'd come from Russia as a child. Early 1900's I think. I was crying, not because I was scared of dying, I wasn't, I had a strong belief in God. I was crying because I would have to leave my children. It was really painful. I know if you lose a child it's painful but leaving them by dying seemed just as bad. And I vowed that in my next incarnation I would not have them because I wanted to avoid the pain of leaving them.
Whaddya think? I was in tears during the regression 'remembering' it. Phil, who I used to work with, said I was a very emotional person who would cry at nothing anyway.
Layla? She recalled a past life as some sort of elf. She had seen 'Lord of the Rings' the night before.

Well, not been the most productive day has it.
Bonnie came home from work and I said I was fed-up, I'd meant to go to the Library and I hadn't and I'd done nothing.
So she took me to Morrison's for a doughnut. And she decided Beaujolais Nouveux was what was needed!
Only assistant had never heard of it.
'Ooh, nah, we don't stock it. I don't think anyone drinks it anymore'.
'That's right' said Bonnie,'That's dismissed the whole French wine industry. I'll get it from Sainsbury's tomorrow.'
We got some sort of French plonk to be going on with.
Meanwhile, Cinderella - I mean Gabriella, had rustled us up a meal. Told us a lovely, romantic story about her Mum and Dad which I could use.
Bonnie recalled ('cos I can't spell reminesced) her grape-picking days.
H phoned me. I think he is a bit lonely. He was never given to phoning me.
And that was it really. I borrowed Gabriella's laptop because downstairs computer playing up.

What happened there?
Whole post disappeared.
Load of rubbish anyway but still. What I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted - it makes me laugh all this talk about woman postponing pregnancy for careers. I mean, I wish, I just lost out on all counts. Career? I was always lucky if anyone employed me at all, never mind have a career. I'm probably a bit narked because that restaurant hasn't rung me since that night I went home early with a bad cold.
But I'm sure I'm not the only woman who never had a career or a baby. Layla? Clare's lodger, Astrid? Clare herself? Although she might count working well-paid contracts for councils a career.
Delphine, yes, she does count as a career woman. And she was lucky, although she went for it, to have IVF twins at 44.
Reba? Never wanted children.
Gabriella? Ian's fiancee. 24. Doesn't want kids. Wants to do the high-flying thing then retire at 45.
Oh, well, everyone to their own.

Bleak.
Describes Alan Bennett's writing.
Took me a while to think of it but I got there. Life's a marathon not a sprint (an Ernest Leigh quotation).

From: "Leigh, Ernest" ******
To: "Maureen Rowntree" *****
Subject: Various
Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:01:41 -0000

>How are you?
>
>Are you still controlling the catering market for the North West?
>
>Things are the about the same here in Siberia, sorry I mean Southwark.
>
>However every now and then something cheers me up. Reba asked me tonight if you had moved to America. I replied "not as far as I know".
>
>When I enquired why she thought this might be the case she responded that she had received a letter from America. The contents of which she showed me. It was an advertisement extolling the virtues of an anti-wrinkle cream!
>
>How could you?
>
>Anyway if you have migrated let me know.
>
>Ern
>
>XXX
>
>*******************

Morning all.
I've done Neil Oliver so now it's Francesco's turn.
I wish I could download pictures.

Francesco Da Mosto
Born in Venice, a city he is clearly in love with, he lives there with his family, having previously travelling extensively "to taste the world outside of this marshy lagoon".

Just days following the murder of John Lennon and at 18 years old, Francesco went to London to wash dishes and make sandwiches to "try understand the working life and music where the English beat generation lived".

He moved to Rome for 2 years making films, then Paris for another two years making documentaries and writing screenplays. After this he spent a month living with the Venice fire brigade at the fire station, night and day (to make a film for National Geographic about the firemen).

As an architect, he started his career as technical consultant for public infrastructure works in the lagoon. On the island of Pellestrina, in the south lagoon, he designed a square with a sundial where your shadow tells you the time and he worked closely with the late Aldo Rossi who won the competition to re build Venice’s La Fenice Theatre, destroyed by fire in 1996. He has designed and executed many restorations in Venice, and still runs a busy architectural practice.

His military service was spent in the Italian Alpine paratroops regiment - parachuting onto the snowy mountains. He will return to the snow next winter, as a participant in the Snow Show - a special exhibition which puts leading architects and artists together to create original installations (for the Winter Olympics).

Francesco is probably best known as the writer and presenter of BBC2's recent 4 part history of Venice "VENICE" and as author of the accompanying best selling book.

He has followed up this success by filming a new series, again for BBC2, FRANCESCO'S ITALY - TOP TO TOE and has written a book to accompany this latest series, which is in the Non fiction Bestsellers Top 10.

Francesco is represented by Advoice for voice work.

© 2005 ICM

nihilism Show phonetics
noun [U] SPECIALIZED
a belief that all political and religious organizations are bad, or a system of thought which says that there are no principles or beliefs which have any meaning or can be true

nihilist Show phonetics
noun [C]

nihilistic Show phonetics
adjective

Sorry I can't download pictures but was watching some programme about Scotland with Bonnie. Sort of simultaneously with Corrie. 'Cos I like Vernon.
'Ugh, no, creep, womaniser - you just like womaniser's!' said the Caledonian one, 'you should go for the Roy Cropper's of this world, they would treat you well'.
Roy Cropper? What is she on? I'm beginning to wonder what Wilf from Wiltshire looks like.
But we both agreed Neil Oliver was gorgeus. Best thing in broadcasting since Francesco Da Mosta. Who was more our age. Like that makes any difference.

Neil Oliver
Neil is an archaeologist and author. His fieldwork has spanned the millenniums – from Stone Age remains in Scotland to Second World War fortifications. If it's been buried in the ground during the last 10,000 years, Neil's dug it up!

His passion for digging things up led him and his friend, Tony Pollard, to excavating battlefields from the Anglo-Zulu wars of 1879 in South Africa and their work was discovered by the BBC. This led to them doing the same thing for BBC TWO in Two Men in a Trench series. Together they brought British battles back to life – from Bannockburn in 1314 to the Second World War.

This summer he took part in Channel 4's Time Team, Big Royal Dig digging up the gardens at the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh. He has been working on a series for BBC Scotland about Scotland's history which starts transmission in November and next year he has a new series called 'The Face of Britain' on Channel 4.

Also a journalist, Neil has written for publications including The Guardian, The Scotsman and The Sun and last year he published his book about the First World War called 'Not Forgotten'.

Neil, 39, lives in Glasgow with his partner and two children, three year old Evie and 10 month old Archie.

Very pleased with myself. Just finished a bit of writing. 'Writing for Performance' latest thing we're on now. She gave us one of Alan Bennett's 'Talking Heads' monologues and told us to get on with it. Do some observing, write something similar.
And I felt a bit down. I'm bloody unobservant, have to really make a concentrated effort. So I looked around the railway station and saw no-one remotely interesting. What with that and my inability to think up plots, I wondered about my chosen vocation. Still got home and thought, sod it, I just can't make things up so why bother. Just wrote an Alan Bennet-inspired piece, all more or less stuff I'd heard someone say about 20 years ago. And I'm very pleased with it. About 95 per cent true. Feel very pleased with it and myself. I could have just written a bit of stand-up because that would count as 'Writing for Performance' but I'm glad I've tried something new.
Apologies to Alan Bennett, I suppose. Isn't he a genius? Has to be the best playwrite writing today. Only sad, sad, sad. I couldn't even watch those 'Talking Heads' in the end, they were so - dunno - what's nihilistic mean?

AUTUMN CLASSES FOR MEN
AT THE
"LEARNING CENTRE FOR ADULTS"

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED

TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Basket and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.
Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Prayer and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy
Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Hob/Oven - What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Writers Block. Decided I've got it.
Why not?
Or it could be lazyitis. The assignments piling up now and I'm thinking was it the best of ideas becoming a student?
Apart from the work? Yes, I like it. Still a bit lonely and that's because I'm so 'out on a limb' being older than everyone else. Quite nice to see Blue Eyes 'cos he's like someone I can chat too.
The kids are nice to me though. It's a small campus and people are always going 'Hello, Mo' and I don't have a clue who they are half the time. I feel like I'm a sort of character, the resident gran or something.
Jodie has a boyfriend. A skinny little chap (she's a big girl). I mean, she might have had other boyfriend's but it's quite sweet the way she emphasizes him, like 'I saw my boyfriend last night, or 'my boyfriend was rehearsing yesterday, so I didn't get to see him'. A little blonde girl, listening to this said, 'ooh, I haven't got a boyfriend, I don't think boys like me'. Told her she was blonde, she was bound to get one soon.
I think it's something to do with confidence. I don't think looks are too much to do with it. God, I know loads of ugly cows got handsome husbands.
Bonnie, who isn't an ugly cow, she's fat but pretty, Sophie Tucker incarnate, anyway, Wilf from Worcester keeps texting her and telling her how much he enjoyed last weekend. It's a bit long distance but perhaps has potential.
'He seems to like me' she said. He's something middle-class and solvent which can only be good. She's not too keen on his voice - too posh. She won't listen to Radio 4 for the same reason.
I've given up on relationships. I'll probably never have one again.
I don't think boys like me.

Medjugorie

Holy Harry
lived in the north of Ireland.
but came down most summers, for the festival,
to enter a dog in the race.
He bred greyhounds.

Aunt Molly’s lads enjoyed his visits.

Thirty years ago Harry married their cousin,
The beautiful Tereze,
He still couldn’t quite believe his luck.

Saint Tereze, Aunt Molly’s sons called her
pretty and pious.
Somewhere along the way she’d got religion.

‘He comes down here to get away from all that praying’.
Aunt Molly’s boys laughed.
Until their mother reminded them
of how a bomb had once fallen on Tereze and Harry’s house,
causing Harry to ‘break down in health’, she said
‘The creature’ she added.

But Harry was fine now.
been off the drink too, for years,
Tereze prayers were answered when
one evening he left the pub early.

They were a happy couple,
seldom spent a night apart,
went on pilgrimages to
holy places
like
Knock and Lourdes and Medjugorie.
because Tereze - an Icon once herself,
Carnival Queen and Miss Six Counties -
Tereze had a great devotion to Our Blessed Lady.

Last year
His dog lost
as usual
but Harry’s biggest mistake
was to mention
his ‘Vision’.

I liked Holy Harry
did my best, took his side
‘It’s not impossible –
we don’t know -
he might have –
seen the Virgin Mary.’.

They remained unconvinced
and
it was
Quiet Jim
who had the Last Word.

‘The Virgin Mary’ he scoffed
‘Harry thinks he saw the Virgin Mary!

Sure,
Isn’t it hard enough
to see any kind of a virgin these days
let alone
the Virgin Mary’.

I just thought I'd add a bit of education to the proceedings.
My friend, Bonnie, is just 100 per cent Sophie Tucker. I mean, I think it's been done but she'd be great in a one-woman show, Bonnie plays Sophie Tucker. I suggested it to her, offered to direct it, she said, what along with the one I'm doing myself - Maureen Rowntree as Elizabeth Gaskell. Well, don't say I don't have good ideas.

Sophie Tucker (January 13, 1884 - February 9, 1966) was a singer and comedian, one of the most popular entertainers in America during the first third of the 20th century.

She was born Sophia Kalish to a Jewish family in Czarist Russia. Her family emigrated to the United States when she was an infant, and settled in Hartford, Connecticut. The family changed its name to Abuza, and her parents opened a restaurant.

Early life
She started singing for tips in her family's restaurant. In 1903, at the age of 19, she was briefly married to Louis Tuck, from which she decided to change her name to "Tucker." (She would marry twice more in her life, but neither marriage lasted more than five years.)

Tucker played piano and sang burlesque and vaudeville tunes, at first in blackface. She later said that this was at the insistence of theater managers, who said she was "too fat and ugly" to be accepted by an audience in any other context. She even sang songs that acknowledged her heft, such as "Nobody Loves a Fat Girl, But Oh How a Fat Girl Can Love."

She made a name for herself in a style that was known at the time as a "Coon Shouter", performing African American influenced songs. Not content with performing in the simple minstrel traditions, Tucker hired some of the best African American singers of the time to give her lessons, and hired African American composers to write songs for her act.

At a 1908 appearance, the luggage containing Tucker's makeup kit was stolen shortly before the show, and she hastily went on stage without her customary blackface. To the theater manager's surprise, Tucker was a bigger hit without her makeup than with it, and she never wore blackface again. She did, however, continue to draw much of her material from African American writers as well as African American culture, singing in a ragtime- and blues-influenced style, becoming known for a time as "The Ragtime Mary Garden," a reference to a famous operatic soprano of the era.

Tucker made her first appearance in the Ziegfeld Follies in 1909, but didn't last long there because Florenz Ziegfeld's other female stars soon refused to share the spotlight with the popular Tucker.

Tucker made several popular recordings. They included "Some of These Days," which came out in 1911 on Edison Records. The tune, written by Shelton Brooks, was a hit, and became Tucker's theme song. Later, it was the title of her 1945 autobiography.

In 1921, Tucker hired pianist and songwriter Ted Shapiro as her accompanist and musical director, a position he would keep throughout her career. Besides writing a number of songs for Tucker, Shapiro became part of her stage act, playing piano on stage while she sang, and exchanging banter and wisecracks with her in between numbers.

Tucker remained a popular singer through the 1920s, and hired stars such as Mamie Smith and Ethel Waters to give her lessons.

In 1925, Jack Yellen wrote one of her most famous songs, "My Yiddish Momme". The song was performed in large American cities where there were sizable Jewish audiences. Tucker explained, "Even though I loved the song and it was a sensational hit every time I sang it, I was always careful to use it only when I knew the majority of the house would understand Yiddish. However, you didn't have to be a Jew to be moved by 'My Yiddish Momme.' 'Mother' in any language means the same thing." She also made the first of her many movie appearances in the 1929 sound picture Honky Tonk.

In the 1930s, Tucker brought elements of nostalgia for the early years of 20th century into her show. She was billed as The Last of the Red Hot Mamas, as her hearty sexual appetite was a frequent subject of her songs, unusual for female performers of the era. She made numerous popular film appearances, including Broadway Melody of 1938. In that film, Tucker sings a song during the big finale; even though she is playing a character and not herself, several neon lights displaying her real name light up in the background of the stage in tribute.

Tucker in 1952In the 1950s and early 1960s, she made television appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show, What's My Line, and The Tonight Show.

She continued performing in the U.S. and the United Kingdom, until shortly before dying of lung cancer in 1966 at the age of 82.

She was interred at Emanuel Cemetery in Wethersfield, Connecticut.

Legacy and influence
Sophie Tucker's comic style is credited with influencing later female entertainers, including Joan Rivers, Roseanne Barr, and most notably Bette Midler who has included "Soph" as one of her many stage characters. In addition to her performing, Tucker was active in efforts to unionize professional actors, and was elected president of the American Federation of Actors in 1938.

Quotes
"I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, honey, rich is better."
When The Beatles performed the song Till There Was You from The Music Man early in their careers, Paul McCartney would often introduce the number by saying that "It's also been done by our favourite American group - Sophie Tucker."
"From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash."

Stage Work
Lulu's Husbands (1910) (Broadway)
Earl Carroll's Vanities of 1924 (1924) (Broadway)
Leave It to Me! (1938) (Broadway)
High Kickers (1941) (Broadway)

Filmography
Honky Tonk (1929)
Gay Love (1934)
Paramount Headliner: Broadway Highlights No. 1 (1935) (short subject)
Broadway Melody of 1938 (1937)
Thoroughbreds Don't Cry (1937)
Follow the Boys (1944)
Sensations of 1945 (1944)
Screen Snapshots: The Great Showman (1950) (short subject)
Screen Snapshots: Hollywood's Great Entertainers (1953) (short subjects)
The Heart of Show Business (1957) (short subject)
The Joker Is Wild (1957) (Cameo)

Tributes
Reference to Tucker is made (using somewhat vulgar language) in the song "Roxie" which is part of the score to the musical, Chicago.
The stage musical Meshuggah-Nuns, a sequel to the hit Nunsense, features a nun posing as Tucker, singing a song called "My Fat is My Fortune".

External links
Works by Sophie Tucker at Project Gutenberg
Sophie Tucker on ibiblio.org
Sophie Tucker on WomensHistory.miningco.com
An informative biography on About.com
Jewish Women's Archive. "Jewish Women in Comedy - Sophie Tucker"
A Tucker biography from the Connecticut Women's Hall of Fame
Sophie Tucker sings "Reuben Rag", 1910, on Tinfoil.com listen to one of her earliest recordings
Several original recordings of Sophie Tucker singing, including "Some of These Days." Audio links are at bottom of page. (Courtesy of the Virtual Museum of the City of San Francisco.)
Sophie Tucker cylinder recordings, from the Cylinder Preservation and Digitization Project at the University of California, Santa Barbara Library.
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sophie_Tucker"

Tottled off to pay a cheque into the Post Office but cashier wouldn't accept it without paying-in slip. So have to post it now.
Finances getting scary again. And the restaurant didn't ring me.
Feel a bit ratty. Is it SAD or what? I think it's money troubles. Why didn't I sort out my finances from the year dot? I should have been a wise virgin.
I have to do some work on me poems. My tutor saw them, says some of them are unclear and need to be worked on but I have a voice.

Nicked off samanthakinsells. First...

1. Crush? The boy across the road. Oh, God, is there a story. I was about 12, he was 16 and away in the Army. At 13, he sent me a letter, 'There's a girl in your school, I really like her, will you pass this letter on to her...' gist of. My love-life been much the same ever since.

2. Kiss? 15, some bloke at a local dance.

3. Person you said "I love you" to? Oh dear, I had a boyfriend when I was 16. And he did like me. I said I loved him but I didn't really mean it. I can be an 'orrible cow too.

4. Address? In Lincolnshire.

5. Job? In a local supermarket, packing boxes.

6. Car? Still waiting.

7. Record? Can't remember. Some 45 thing.

8. Movie? Expresso Bongo, with an older girl who used to babysit. I was only about 3 or 4, I think.

9. Alcoholic drink? We always had a bit of sherry at Christmas.

10. Foreign holiday? Tarragona, Spain. I was 19

I went into hibernation mode all weekend.
I think it's all this travelling during the week. Come the weekend, I don't want to do anything.
Bonnie went off to Birmingham to meet one of her Internet dates. A nice man, she said, but I don't think she felt any great spark. She likes Farmer's Lad although he's not really into commitment or sex. Anyway, he came round to see her on Sunday, they have some sort of relationship.
For the first time Bonnie sympathised with my commuting. I think her trip to Birmingham made her realise what a pain it all must be.
I read a bit for my course and that was it. I used to be such a social creature, always out, usually drunk. Perhaps it's age and I'm settling down, finally.
Snidge (old friend from London, now living the other side of Manchester) sent me a narky e-mail 'cos I owned him some money for a theatre ticket. He knows I would have paid it when I saw him, I didn't realise he was in such a hurry for it.
Am a bit sick of all my 'friends' these days. Hardly any of them ring me, and none of them would look after my cat when he needed a home. That 's three people I've offended this year, Snidge, Maj and Blondie and cousin's wife, Mary. But I never meant any harm. Sod 'em, I can live without 'em. Do I look like I'm bovvered?

Well, a very non-constructive evening.
Discovered youtube, like billions of light years behind the rest of the planet, and was listening to things on it and sending people videos. Little things please little minds.
I don't know. All I want to do is complain about the train. Three hours tonight.
I would send things to my blog but that is too advanced.

500 words of some twaddle for Theatre Practice. Of course, I've had all day and what have I done?
Read a few short stories by Muriel Spark. Research, I call it.
Then decided I needed to get my roots done. Went to some cheapo hairdresser down the road but not that cheap, what is? Still, I look a bit better. Had it done darker, it's back to brown now.
Bonnie had nice evening with Farmer's Lad. She's given up worrying about whether they are or are not an item and she has a date with someone in Birmingham at the weekend.
She was telling The Wean about Farmer's Lad's reaction last night. Apparently I was just asking him and Bonnie whether Blue Eyes liked me or not, what it means him saying I looked 'great'?
'You should have seen Farmer's Lad's face' said Bonnie to The Wean, 'he was looking at her boobs. Of course, that bloke thinks you look great if your walking round in low-cut tops'.
Well, it was my t-shirt. I didn't realise it was that low-cut. Anyway, I also had a cardigan on but I suppose it wasn't done up all day.
What can you do? I never set out to be a sex symbol.
Phoned Lemonie. We had a moan about the cost of everything. Her kids cost her a fortune. The eldest's a single Mum, the youngest's just started training as a nurse but doesn't earn much.
Gabriella cooked us a nice meal, fish, tomatoes, some grainy thing and beans. She starts her new job next week, something environmental with a local authority. Ian is doing nights at the minute, not too happy, applying for other things.
This is no good. Back to the grindstone.

Just busy really. One lot of work in, another lot to be handed in.
Sick and tired of the train.
Blue Eyes said I looked great today. (!) Well, I was like a walking corpse last week with that cold.
Idea for short story? I haven't the foggiest. Am I on the right course? Should I be doing applied maths?
Where do all the ideas go when you need them?

Yesterday, got my poetry evaluation finished.
That was about it really. Watched 'The South Bank Show' with Bonnie. Mozart's librettist or some such word. A delightfully improvident man, cheered me and Bonnie up no end, he'd obviously max out his credit cards if they'd had them in those days. He lived to be 90, goes to show.
Chatting to Delphine on the phone. She thinks she's aged since she's had the twins. I told her she's lucky to have them. She says Blue Eyes is definitely interested, men don't do friendship, if he's asking me places then he's got ulterior motives.
We'll see.
Saddam Hussein. Well, you have to be intellectual on these blog sites, you know. Can't just discuss your lack of funds and your non-existent love-life. Or your non-existent funds and your lack of love life, even.
Now I know sod-all. In fact, it's maybe only since the menopause that I took any remote interest in the world outside my hormonal self. But this Iraq thing is scary. Actually, it was Delphine who got me thinking about it, she's quite informed for a new Mum-of-two, well, I think, at times she's only got the twins and Radio 4. She's worked out about those two types of Muslims, one lot's Arab, one lot's Asian, she thinks. Correct us if we're wrong, Blogland. It's ridiculous. I don't understand the world but I did understand Northern Ireland, I heard about it enough from me Republican parents. So it's just their version of Catholic and Protestant as far as I can see. And it can't be right hanging Saddam Hussein. Because he can't be just in it on his own, they'll be all sorts of outraged people baying for blood if he's hung. Apart from capitol punishment being barbaric, that is. And as for America and Bush. Talking about democracy, not how much they need the oil. Some democracy they've got, with their rigged elections. The hypocrisy and self-righteousness? But Bonnie says that's how it is with wars, always has been, everyone 'with God on their side'.
And Blue Eyes, who said in his presentation, 'cos he does go off on tangents, he was talking about writing for Radio and came out with how the Baby Boomers were lucky, they were not involved in a war, his Dad was, his Granddad was - then, he looked around the class and said 'you lot probably will be too'.

Written my evaluation for my story. And that's about it. Having difficulties with poetry evaluation. Have revised 'Seventy Summers' since posting it and that's about all I've done. Will a glass of wine help?

Of course, poor Fizz is terrified because of all the fireworks.
'If she could talk' I said, 'she'd be saying - look, I know you think I'm just a silly collie but I'm telling you, I've heard of that Osama bin Laden and he's outside now'.
Bonnie agreed and added 'Yeah, and all the collie's in Iraq are going, look, chill out, it's only Bonfire Night, it's not as if there's a war on'.
This sketch is getting silly. Time to do some homework.

For Irishmen I have known.....well, one in particular. Or, maids when your young never wed an old man...... like, chance would been a fine thing.

Seventy Summers

I was half expecting
you
this summer to
cross continents
and drink whisky on Western sands

so no surprise
I smile
as if greeting a stranger

Those other summers?
I heard
you had children
the children grew up
you grew old

you don’t know
how I spent my summers,

or cared to know then
or need to know now

This summer
I played a blinder
Sophisticated lady
Woman of the World
turning to leave

Stopped
by blue-green ocean eyes
hair whiter than the foam on the waves
a face beaten into submission by age
and the Australian sun,

I won’t be wrecked on the rocks by your light

Like the tide,
that does not turn
I walk on

But
you don’t know
how my heart is singing -

or need to know..

Yesterday.
Very miserable. Dragged myself into class because I had a presentation to do. Felt like death. Turned up at work still feeling bad. Everyone suggested I asked to leave early so I did, it was only the Deputy Manager and he seemed ok with it. I really felt lousy. Said he'll ring me when he needs me in again. Hope he does, need the money. Hackney Council on at me for some unpaid council tax now, oh, it's impossible.
Blue Eyes. So far he has offered to give me driving lessons and take me to a comedy club. Does this mean he fancies me or is he just being friendly? How am I supposed to know? As Corin so obviously found me repulsive, as the last thing Ern wants is a working relationship with me, well, I don't exactly have much self-esteem left.
Slept most of today and feel a bit better now. Watched the other half of Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet. Which I thought pretty impressive. Bonnie doesn't like Kenneth Branagh and thinks he's too egotistical to be a good actor. She has a point especially in the end when he went very OTT with a Hamlet on the Cross sort of a scene. I dunno. How am I ever going to be able to write reviews on things, I'm a Coronation Street addict for heaven's sake, the only opinion I have, whatever Bonnie's views on Kenneth Branagh, I think he's got a great bum.

I'll leave you with a few thoughts before I go off and do something constructive.
Like last night, I was thinking, how bloomin' freezing it was and how come, it's only November. Frost on the ground and everything yesterday. Then I reaslised. Of course, I'm feeling the cold - I'm not living in London anymore, am I? London's relatively warm. I'm living in the north of England. They have proper snow up here and everything.
As for Madonna. I've never been that struck on Madonna. Never thought she was that pretty or that talented. A good dancer and a good businesswoman. Like she needs to care what I think! Anyway, people have been hard on her over this baby thing. I saw one photo, a while ago, her and the kid, and in it she genuinely looked so happy. I love it when you see photos of rich people looking genuinely happy, shows that money's not such a big deal, I wouldn't mind putting this theory to the test however, where was I? She looked happy and from the photo seemed to have adopted him for all the right reasons. Thought Camilla and Charles looked very happy too, on their wedding day. And saw a picture of Princess Diana on a horse once and she looked terrified.
Joke from Bonnie -
Paddy goes for a job on the buildings. The Boss, worried he might be employing a thick Irishman, gives him a test - 'What's the difference between joist and girdar?'
'Ah, now, dat's easy, sor, Joyce wrote Ulysees and Goethe wrote Faust'.

I am fed-up.
I'm so run-down, it's all the travelling. Feel as if I've got a cold coming on, bad earache and a cold sore. I only ever get cold sores when I'm run down. Had a brandy at the station last night, purely medicinal.
Looking forward to moving after Xmas because this travelling is too ridiculous. The very quickest it takes in 2-and-a-half hours one way and it's often more than that.
Plus now I'm supposed to meet up with other students which is difficult. Supposed to go in today and rehearse a scene with some young lad, I don't think I'm going to make it. All this will be much easier when I live on-site. And the bloomiin' 5 minute Hamlet thing is doing my head in. I can't find any review or anything, I don't know, I'll have to sort it out today.
Critical Theory looming over me again. I've had me run-ins with Critical Theory in me time. I passed the Critical Theory module when I was doing my p/t English course in London. How, God knows. I have written so many academic essays on and off, studying's always been some sort of perverse hobby of mine but Critical Theory.... I sometimes think it was writing a Critical Theory essay that caused my subsequent bout of depression and not the menopause. Myfanwy, at the time, agreed. 'If I had to do another course that involved Critial Theory, I wouldn't', was what she said. 'Academic wank' she called it.
Tom, Bonnie's late husband was one of the cleverest men I've ever met. I so liked Tom and I miss him, we were good friends. We were alike in some ways which I suppose is Bonnie getting on with a certain type of person. Tom's subject was Critical Theory, he actually liked it! He was quite pleased that I'd heard of it, he didn't seem bothered that I didn't understand it. Anyway, it's back in my life again. This time round maybe it's making a bit more sense.
Sore throat too. Oh, I'm a sad case.
A bit inspired by pollygarter, had idea to write some sort of opus on mistresses. I dunno - Mistresses I have Known, Quotes from. That sort of thing. Ideas go off in my head like landmines, ideas are the easy bit.

A little light diversion before I settle down to Freud, Jacques Lacan and Zeffirelli's Hamlet.

Pinched from Virginblog.

Is your hair up?: Yes, it is today. Well, more tied back under a black hairband.
Is your phone right beside you?: Nah, lost the charger again.
Do you have a bf/ gf?: As if.
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: Possibly, asleep or in pub.
Do you have plans for tonight?: Stay in Library and concentrate on work.
Are you wearing makeup?: Naturally.
Are you wearing chapstick?: No.
Are you cold?: No.
Are you tired?: I'm always tired.
Are you excited?: Not that I've noticed.
Are you watching t.v.?: No.
Are you wearing pjs?: No, I'd be arrested.
Who's the last person you IMed?: What's IMed?
Who's the last person that called you?: ? Clare.

PAST

Anything you regret?: Yes. Won't go into it.
Ever lied?: Probably but not much.
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: When I was little.
Ever spit at someone?: Ditto.
Ever kick something living?: Yes, my ex.
Ever had your nails done?: Of course.
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: No.

LAST WEEK

Had any plans last week?: Just to get some work done.
Who did you see most last week?: People I live with.
Was last week interesting?: Yes, I'm quite happy with my routine these days.

TODAY

Have you cussed?: No.
Have you yelled at someone?: No.
Have you gotten mad at someone?: No.
Have you cried?: No.
Have you called more than 3 people?: No.
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: Does it mean e-mail?
Have you eaten anything gross?: No.

SPILL YOUR GUTS

Q: First thing you did this morning?
A: Had a shower.

Q: Last thing you ate?
A: Shepherd's Pie.

Q: What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks?
A: Going to theatre in November.

Q: What's annoying you right now?
A: I fancy a cuppa.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: ? Can't remember but I've got Kenneth Brannagh's Hamlet from the Library.

Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?
A: Rephrase it. Do I believe in relationships?

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: Ay? Went? When?

Q: Who is the last person you called?
A: Think it was Lemonie.

Q: Been cheated on?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A: I doubt it.

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity)?
A: Beauty.

Q: Do you wish on stars?
A: Yes.

Q: Does it work?
A: It might.

Q: Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A: Usually.

Q: When did you last cry?
A: When my cat died.

Q: Do you like your handwriting?
A: Yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: When I know people.

Q: Are you keeping a secret from the world?
A: No.

Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A: My own.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Burgundy top.

Q: Do you have any pets?
A: Not any more.

Q: What is the color of your bedsheets?
A: Varies.

Q: What were you doing at 9 last night?
A: Looking for a Hamlet video in Asda's.

Q: Last person you talked to in person?
A: Fellow student.

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?:
A: Just before he died.

Q: Look to your left.
A: Yes.

Q: Ever cried yourself to sleep?
A: Yes.

Q: Ever cried on your friends shoulder?
A: Yes.

Q: Song that makes you cry?
A: Puff, the Magic Dragon.

Q: Are you a normally happy person?
A: Yes.

Q: Is your self-esteem low?
A: Very.

Q: What color are your eyes?
A: Greeny-grey.

Q: Long or Short Hair?
A: Medium, layered.

Q: Current Music?
A: None.

Make of that what you will.